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Ricky Williams: No need to apologize

Baryy Jackson Miami Herald

THE INTERVIEW: Former Dolphins running back Ricky Williams walks with correspondent Mike Wallace during their interview in Grass Valley, Calif.

Dec 20, 2004 -- Ricky Williams understands his behavior makes him look foolish. But the former running back doesn't agree that ''he cost'' the Dolphins ''their season.''

In his first on-camera interview since his retirement in July, Williams touched on those and other issues during a conversation with Mike Wallace that aired Sunday night on CBS' 60 Minutes.

Among the highlights:

• Williams feels no need to apologize to ex-teammates: ''If I can find a reason to apologize, then I would love to apologize. . . . But it doesn't mean anything unless I understand what I'm apologizing for.''

After Wallace suggested Williams could have ''given the [Dolphins] a clue ahead of time,'' Williams said:

''I didn't know ahead of time, or I would have given them a clue. It happened in the course of two days. Boom, boom, boom, boom.''

• His latest of several explanations for retiring: ''The thing I had the most trouble with was after you fail your third [drug] test, then it becomes public knowledge . . . That's one thing I couldn't deal with at the time -- people knowing that I smoke marijuana. That was my biggest fear in my whole entire life.''

• He said he's taking marijuana but nothing more dangerous or addictive. ''Thank God I never needed to have steroids.''

• On whether he will play again: ''I have no idea. I can't even tell you what's going to happen tomorrow.''

When Wallace brought up the Raiders, Williams said, ''I would have a much easier time fitting in in Oakland.''

• On money: ''People talk about the money that I've lost, but the knowledge and freedom that I've gotten from this experience is priceless.''

• On his life now, which includes living in a one-bedroom home with no television: ''I'm happy. . . . I love myself, because I'm all that I have, and if I don't love myself, no one else will. . . . Whenever I feel myself starting to dislike something, I tell myself this is who I am. . . . I'm doing whatever I want to do. I valued freedom for a long time, and I finally feel like I've got more of it.''

• On what he did while living in a tent in Australia after retiring: 'I had about 30 books. Every morning, I would wake up about 5 and take my flashlight and I'd read for a couple hours. [Books about] everything from nutrition to Buddhism to Jesus to trying to figure out, 'What am I? What am I?' I just kept reading and reading and couldn't figure out what I was, but I learned a lot.''

• Williams, 27, said he does not have a girlfriend -- ''I haven't found anyone that fits the bill'' -- but insisted he is financially supporting the three children he has from three different women. ''I'm a very generous person.''

• What does he want to be at 50? ''Alive,'' he said.

Wallace said he arranged the interview through the College of Ayurveda in Northern California, where Williams is learning holistic medicine. CBS cameras showed him receiving a massage from two women, which Wallace identified as part of the preparation for Williams to become a masseur.

Wallace said by telephone he didn't know a lot about Williams before the interview but wanted to do the story because he was curious why Williams would walk away from such a profitable career. ''I wound up liking him,'' Wallace said.